A Metaphysical Premonition
In the nether regions of vagueness
I dwelt in a dream one night:
Seemingly undisturbed I hovered
Peace-enfolded, held by a guard,
A trustworthy hand with loving aim,
Feeling nothing, just awaiting...
Then, almost suddenly and not suddenly at all
I felt, there was something bound to happen soon;
Was it presentiment or a warning sent?
A presence, dimly sensed but unannounced,
A kind of tension, but not frightening.
I waited and yet was not excited.
As it began: slowly, gently and heralding,
I knew I was prepared and knew I had to be.
The hand held me still, supporting and helping.
At first I felt slightly disoriented,
Then a shiver gripped my soul, darksensing,
And a pressure built within, like horror
And yet not like horror, slowly intensifying
Up to a level where feelings of guilt began
Suddenly misery sprang at me from nowhere
And yet from within, from regions within my soul
Which, I felt, I had not known before
But I had suspicions somewhere in my heart:
It felt like an old wound, scarred, but not healed;
It was like a spider, hiding in a web;
Like a bitter pill; a nightmare pronouncing guilt:
Some unfinished duty maybe, a lapse
Anyhow something within me, suspended
But not forgotten, kept, waiting for judgement.
I was ashamed, rapidly seized by remorse
A remorse which took me like a powerful maelstrom,
Like a storm that raged painfully within my soul,
Trying to tar me apart from the inside
It shook me, slashed me, bent me, gnawed at my heart...
And yet the hand shielded me from the worst.
I knew I would have to break but for the hand
And if I had to bear it for all eternity
It would hold me still, but not to protect!
No, to make me bear it all, every little bit
All my failings, wicked deeds, thoughtless crimes,
The essence that condemned me for all times.